'Liquid Love'

Growing up in a large family lent itself to a hearty dose of teasing. We were taught at a very young age that crying was for the fainthearted - and if you dared to shed a tear in front of the clan, it was something they NEVER let you forget.

At a very young age, I vividly remember watching the movie Carousel with my family. Of course, we only got one channel and had one black-and-white TV, so watching TV as a family was a group activity. When Billy Bigelow went to heaven, tears would easily fall - so, as stealthily as possible, I would sneak into the basement and stare at a lightbulb, trying to prevent any public display of emotion.

Over the years, it continued to seem in our best interest to live without tears - the sensitive edges progressively worn down by family or societal expectations.

What has made us so uncomfortable with tears?

I was at a memorial recently when a young person, while eulogizing a family member, apologized to the people gathered for their tears. What kind of people are we if we can't express tears even after a sudden and immense loss?

Each time I am with folks whose tears seem to flow easily, they have a tendency to apologize - sometimes in the moment and sometimes days later. "Oh, I'm so, so sorry I let my emotions get to me last week!"

And I begin to wonder how many tears we have all swallowed, curtailed and bottled up over the years - needing permission to show the depth of our being - our sadness, our grief, our heartbreak and sometimes even our unbridled joy - feeling too vulnerable, too exposed, perhaps just too human.

Crying is a healthy biological response to our very complicated and mortal existence. To me, it is a sign that we are human - that we feel - that we are living on this often-knotty earth together - and we should never, ever have to apologize for that.

Gone, I hope, are the days of "suck it up," "don't be a crybaby" and "toughen up." I say let your tears flow and let them tell the story of what is in your heart. It isn't a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you are indeed a loving, feeling, caring human being.

At memorials, funerals and graveside services, those tears are liquid love. At weddings, graduations and birthdays, those tears are liquid love. On bad days and good days and at movies with sad endings - those tears are liquid love.

They bubble up from every ounce of our humanness - they clear the eyes and relieve the heart and remind us of all of the emotions available to us.

There is biology behind our tears, too. Our bodies are actually designed to cry. Tears protect our eyes, and emotional crying can help us express and release feelings that sometimes seem too big for words.

Perhaps, then, it's more than alright to cry.

Tissues weren't invented merely for cold and flu season. Whether we are the one who needs a tissue or the one who offers one, we can be there for each other - and support each other through every emotion. I worry about a world of suppressed emotions. We were born with innate ways of expressing emotion for a very human reason.

So, I say men, women, children - let it go, let the tears flow - and be ready and not uncomfortable to catch someone else's tears. Perhaps we can see our shared humanity there - in the total expression and depth of our humanity.

Why would I want to spend time on earth not fully expressing the depth of that humanity?

And I think now about that little girl in the basement, staring at a lightbulb so no one would see her cry.

I wish I could tell her what it took me years to learn.

You don't have to hide your tears.

Go back upstairs and watch the movie.

It's alright to cry.

Maybe those tears are simply liquid love.